i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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