question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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