I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dick very happy bro
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize