I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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