I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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