Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
