He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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