ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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