I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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