Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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