Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize