Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
