Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
