Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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