never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
