We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
