apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize