I'm really into asian looking animals
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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