Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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