glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
