Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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