how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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