if i died would you start the facebook group?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize