why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
