I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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