dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
