Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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