i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
