Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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