Your face is a jimmy john
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
