How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
