yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
