what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
