so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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