Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
