So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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