Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize