"it" just moved
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
