where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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