her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
