we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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