remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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