oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
