Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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