SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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