Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
