Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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