He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
