So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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