some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
