We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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