They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
