I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
