I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
