hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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