he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
