god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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