We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
