this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
