so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
