But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
