hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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