well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your cock deserves a montage
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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