my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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