My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
