Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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