My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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