Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
